HOW TO GET OVER A BREAK UP

“Break up”, almost everybody go through it at some point of life. Ending a relationship with the person, whom we love the most, is very hard. It’s hard because being dumped or hurt or just ending the relationship can make you feel you’ve failed somehow in your relationship as well as your life. It doesn’t matter whether it was your decision or the other person’s decision.

Whether it’s a normal breakup or a horrible one, you’ve invested a part of yourself into another person and your relationship. It is not possible to move on from the previous relationship within one or two days. It will take time but after getting out over it, you will feel that you have become a better and confident person in your life. To become a better person and start a new happier life you must accept that a relationship that you once nurtured is dead and gone. It will never come back again to you.

 You may be dealing with painful emotions and want to get rid of those feelings as quickly as possible. There are several ways that you can work through your painful emotions and start to move on. Keep in mind that getting over a breakup takes time and patience. If things don’t seem to get better with time, remember that you can always go to friends, family, or even a mental health professional for support.

Here are some DOs and DON’Ts you can follow to get over from a break up-

DOs

1. Review your relationship: There’s a good chance to review your relationship as your lover has gone. Try to keep in mind that even if that you enjoyed being together for a while, something was not working. You can look back and realize there may have been warning signs about this guy or the girl. Thinking about the reasons why the relationship ended can help you understand why you need to move on. You may also be able to avoid making the same mistakes in the future. Reviewing the relationship and recognizing where the problems began can be valuable in your later relationships. It will give you a chance to adjust your own behaviors, if you really believe you had some fault.

2. Write down your feelings: If you can’t express your feeling to anybody write down your feeling on a piece of paper. All you need to do is take a blank paper and write about the good memories on one side of the paper. Read what you have written. After that on the other side of the paper write the bad memories i.e. why and how you broke up the relation. Read it. Then read the good memories and find whether you feel the same or not. You will never feel the same. This will help you a lot.

3. Deal with anger and depression: Feelings of anger and depression occur when we have gone through a bad break up. In a situation where you will not contact your ex-partner, the best way to deal with anger and depression alone is to relax. Take deep breaths and focus on what you have well in your life and relax. Soft music can often help.

Click here to read-How to overcome Depression

4. Stand by your decision: If the breakup was your decision, keep in mind that focusing on the good times you had with your partner may cause you to forget the reasons why you broke it off. By the same, if the decision to end things was not yours. It’s very common to remember the good parts of the relationship and convince yourself that the bad parts weren’t so bad after all. Don’t play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and work on moving forward.

5. Remind yourself your ex’s negative traits: Focusing on all of the things that you don’t like about your ex can help you to get over the breakup faster. Try making a list of all of the things your ex did that you did not like.

6. Find out reasons why you are better now without your ex: Realize that you have just eliminated a Mr. or Ms. Wrong from your life. That puts you one step closer to Mr. or Ms. Right. In addition to reminding yourself of everything that bothered you about your ex, you can also benefit from thinking about the positives to your breakup. Make another list of all of the reasons why you are better now without your ex. For example, maybe your ex never wanted to do any of the things that you wanted to do, so now you have the freedom to do all of those things.

7. Focus on your best qualities: Instead of searching for what it is about you that contributed to the breakup, turn your attention to appreciating your best traits. If you must, look in the mirror and say out loud what you like about yourself, or write down the compliments other people gives you. Building up your confidence will help you to move on from your ex.

8. Learn lesson from this incident: There had to be something worthwhile about the relationship otherwise you wouldn’t have entered in it. Even if the majority of it was terrible, it still contributed to your personal growth in some way. Once you have a little distance from the breakup, take note of the experiences (both good and bad) you gained from dating your ex, and remember that you can’t change the past but you can learn from it.

9. Keep distance: Delete your ex’s phone number from your mobile and remove him from your social media sites. It means no phone calls, no e-mails, no text messages, no Facebook, no WhatsApp. You don’t have to stop talking forever, but you do need to cut all communication for as long as it takes to get completely over your ex. Having contact with your ex when you’re distressed could have negative consequences.

10. Discard painful memories: Painful memories are associated with all kinds of things that remind you of your ex––a song in your phone, smell of a perfume, a sound, a place that you often visited together. Having these memories around can make it harder for you to recover from a breakup. Don’t listen the song for a while or delete it from your phone. Don’t visit that place for sometime.

 If you have something such as a watch or piece of jewelry or a dress that was given to you by your ex, there’s nothing wrong with keeping it. But for the time being, try putting it away until you have gotten over the relationship.

11. Take care of yourself: It is a common matter to put less effort into self-care after a breakup, but doing so will not help you to feel better. Make sure that you are seeing to your basic needs for mental, physical and spiritual well-being. If you were not taking good care of yourself before, now is a good time to start. Make sure that you are eating well, sleeping enough, making time for relaxation and getting regular exercise to feel your best.

Click here to read- How to maintain a Healthy Lifestyle

12. Accept that the pain you are feeling is normal: After a breakup, it is normal to feel sad, angry, depressed and other emotions as well. You might be worried that you will end up alone or that you won’t be happy again. Just remind yourself that it is a normal feeling after a breakup which everyone goes through. You need to feel these emotions in order to move on.

13. Take a break from your normal routine: It may be necessary for you to take a short break from your normal routine after a relationship ends as normal habits reminds you your ex more. Having a break time may help you to process your feelings and make you better in the long run. Just make sure that you do not do anything that will threaten your other relationships or your livelihood.

14. Surround yourself with supportive people: You want people around you who love you and who will help you feel good about yourself. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, supportive friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthy person. You’ll find it easier to get back to normal life again with your loved ones around you. Don’t be afraid to ask your friends and family for support if you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on.

15. Take help from a therapist if pain becomes unbearable: Many people are able to recover from a breakup on their own, but this is not possible for everyone. If you are having trouble coping with your emotional pain or if you think you might be extremely depressed as a result of the breakup, get help from a mental health professional as soon as possible.

 

DON’Ts

1. Don’t beg: As a girl assume that he broke up with you. He’s already made up his mind. No matter how shocked, panicked and in pain you are, don’t beg him for another chance. It’s very hard to do, but try hard not to cry too much.  Of course, it may be impossible not to cry. But crying a little is better than saying “No, don’t leave me! I’ll do anything you want me to do!!” Let him leave in his life and move on.

2. Don’t talk to everyone about your break up: Of course you should discuss the breakup with a few trusted friends, but don’t discuss the temptation to broadcast the event to anyone. They will be not even interested to listen about how hurt you are. May be they spread your feelings in a funny manner to others and you become a joke to others.

3. Don’t take unhealthy ways to soothe your pain: It may be your first instinct to ignore or reduce your pain by turning to alcohol, drugs or food, but these will not provide long-term solutions. Instead, try to find ways of dealing with your emotions that will lead to growth and recovery. Try taking up a new hobby to keep yourself occupied. Take a class, join a club, or teach yourself how to do something. Engaging in a hobby will help you to feel better about yourself, distract you from your pain, and build up your self-esteem by helping you to develop a new skill.

4. Don’t do anything dangerous or harmful to yourself: The pain, anguish, and anger you feel hard as it may seem to believe at the moment. Don’t do anything to yourself that will hurt you physically as well as mentally. Give yourself some time to feel better. Remember it’s like a broken bone: it hurts something awful at the beginning, but within a day or two it is already beginning to heal and feel better.

5. Don’t go back to your ex: He may keep calling you, trying to let you down easy, saying he still cares about you, or many other things. But he still won’t commit himself fully to you, doesn’t really want to be your boyfriend any more, etc. Let him go, girl. It’s no use. His attempts to communicate with you after the fact are not about painful feelings he has for you.  It’s all about him. He’s trying to not be seen as a bad guy, but the reality is, he’s moving on. It’s time for you to try your hardest to do the same thing.

 

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